Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
