They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
