Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
