He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
