we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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