just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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