how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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