Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
