I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
