oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
