If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
