The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
