got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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