Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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