I'm lost and stupid without you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
