Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
