standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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