I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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