I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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