Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
