I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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