I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
