I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
