Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
