i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize