Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
