dude i'm inner monologue high
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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