You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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