I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize