All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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