i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize