She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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