Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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