apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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