Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
