tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
