I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
