How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
