Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
