He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
