I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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