just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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