She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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