literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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