Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
