He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've blown a few things in my day
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
