This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
