i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dignity is for republicans.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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