I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my liver is dry heaving
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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