U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
