i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
