this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
