just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
