she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
