wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
