just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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