grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
