On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize