at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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