if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
