just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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