broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
