GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm both gender and math confused
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
