im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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