oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
