you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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