I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
