Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
