He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
