My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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