Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
