youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
