Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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