I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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