Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
