I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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