are you still at the devil's house?
I want to have your abortion
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
