What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
