Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
