isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
